Love is a basic emotion, but it’s also the strongest. It’s not surprising that we crave the connection it provides. Many people embrace that desire and, over time, form romantic relationships with their significant others.

Well, then there is us. Held back when it comes to love.

A common perception that many people share about love is that it would limit their progress in life. Others are just uncomfortable sharing a part of their lives with someone else. These are genuine concerns when it comes to love, but are not necessarily true. For others, a previous failed attempt at love resulted in the development of a bias against it and the conclusion that love just isn’t for them. And maybe we were okay being single and unbothered for a while.

Only now, these walls are crumbling down.

The desire for a romantic connection has grown. Life presented an opportunity for reevaluation and after weighing the pro/con list about love, chose to try again. But there’s a problem now; we ignored romantic relationships for so long we don’t know how to do it ‘right.’

Finding love is not a mundane task. Why? Because real love develops gradually.

Often, we fail at understanding love because we chase an illusion of it. Seeing it where it’s not there and wind up pining for love from emotionally unavailable people. Where would this lead? Your guess is as good as mine – to more hurt and more resentful biases. While there is no calculable formula for love and doing it the right way, these tips on finding the love of your life should ease the process.

Work on Self Discovery and Self Growth

Here’s the question when it comes to this tip. How does an article on finding love starts with a clearly selfish heading? The path to finding love begins with making yourself the best version of yourself. People are attracted to those who seem to be doing well for themselves. Who appears to have a clear elevated direction in life.

By working on making yourself the best version of yourself, you kill two birds with one stone, figuratively. You increase the quality of your life while increasing the chances of attracting someone that shares your outlook.

Then again, what does working on yourself mean?

This tip references your active effort at finding your passions and interests and building them up. It implies adopting a healthy lifestyle and caring for yourself. That way, you build your esteem and exude confidence in the way you carry yourself. This is a prelude to the next point.

Be True to Yourself

In a quest for love, some people may feel pressured to adjust themselves for the people they like. You can only fake it for so long. Taking in an alternate persona for love is physically, financially, and emotionally draining, which says it wouldn’t last. Being genuine is a great step at forming a lasting relationship.

You provide your partner with an opportunity to love you with your flaws rather than a perfected version of you. This way, you can learn and improve. You channel your energy to sustainable activities to build a relationship rather than hide your flaws. Being genuine will also motivate your partner to be genuine in the relationship, show their scars and flaws, and let you heal together.

Find Opportunities to Open Up

It is prudent to actually let people into your life in your pursuit of a romantic, emotional connection. Not the whole of it at first. But gradually let them in. There is no assurance that people will not hurt you. They may. But even when you are hurt, you get the chance to learn from the experience and choose better next time.

Letting people into your life may help you identify areas in your life that may have been problematic. You could then fix them up and be a better person for you. Letting people into your life may take time. It’s okay to work through it. When you are ready, go to places you are interested in, and maybe you will run into someone you like there. Again, a prelude to the next point.

Know What You are Looking for in a Partner

Love is subjective. Everyone experiences it differently. Be what you expect in your partner since those happiest in love are keen on the qualities they needed in their partners. Philosophers ask, ‘can you really know someone?’ You probably can’t. But there are things about them you can decide. It is not enough to look for an intelligent person. What does intelligence mean to you?

This point links back to the part on self-discovery. Knowing yourself is tied to what you’d like in your life partner. The rule that ‘opposites attract’ doesn’t work so well in relationships. It may be fun and exciting during the initial stages of a relationship but bound to create strife when the tides get stronger.

In that situation, having a partner that shares your values and interests would be the prerequisite to working through the challenges. Rather than attempting to change someone you are involved in – which is significantly tricky – find someone that is who you are looking for.

Chase Friendship and Partnership Over Romance

Not understating the relevance of those romantic dates and getaways in a relationship. They are crucial to keeping the love spark alive. Only, they should not be the foundation for your love. Remember when we started, I mentioned that love develops over time. Chasing romance is like pining for the illusion of it. It is also financially draining and maybe a point of conflict.

Instead, seek sustainable friendships with people that share your interests and let the love develop. Friendships let you know each other well enough in advance and allow you to be more than just romantic partners when you get to that point.

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